The Detectives
by An Author's Pen
Summary: In which the marauders accuse each other of pulling a prank and Professor McGonagall gets a head ache. Oneshot.


"I'm innocent!" cried a messy haired boy running into an office belonging to none other then Professor McGonagall. The said professor raised an eyebrow at him.

"I did it!" shrieked a short blond haired boy, panting as he came in to stand besides his friend.

"You see?" said the messy haired boy, otherwise known as James Potter, crossing his arms. "I'm innocent."

"I don't believe that for one second," remarked another boy sauntering into the room. "And neither should you Professor."

"Who asked for your opinion _Black_?" growled James.

"Ooh, bringing up my family is a low blow! You see professor, it's just this kind of cold attitude that's needed to bring off such a big prank," reasoned Sirius Black.

"You know," said a voice from the doorway and all the people in the room turned to faced the boy Remus Lupin "James and Peter could have done it together."

"Treachery," cried James "It's an infamous suggestion!"

"Or," said Remus starting to get really warmed up, "All three of you could have done it!"

"No! I deny that moon boy and say you're the guilty one!" accused Sirius.

"Yes, have at you," shouted James, brandishing his wand. He and his partner in crime Sirius began to back Remus up to a wall, knocking down a few chairs in the process.

"Help Peter!" cried Remus, flinching at the mad grins on his friends' faces. Peter jumped onto a desk and stood over the others, nervously pointing his wand at Remus' attackers.

"It's a draw!" declared James.

"Very well," said Sirius. "Do you know what we have to do?"

All the boys nodded.

"Oh Professor Minnie," intoned Sirius solemnly. "We need you to help us figure out who is guilty of this most heinous prank."

The poor Professor blinked. She had come to expect drawn out declarations of innocence from the four boys but had been staring in numb disbelief as the accusations flew. She had never known this closely knit group of friends to blame each other.

"You-each-suspect-_who_?" she croaked.

"Well professor, obviously it's Peter since he admitted his guilt," said James running a hand through his hair.

"Ha!" exclaimed Sirius "I bet you put him up to saying that and you really did it!"

"I just want to say," Peter squeaked. "You can -um- not listen to anything I said earlier. It was -uh- a mistake. I think Sirius did it."

"Oh god," Remus muttered. "I think you _all_ did it."

"Now what?" asked James, frowning.

"Evidence!" Sirius responded, his eyes gleaming with excitement. "I'll start. Today I saw James and Remus running down a corridor _suspiciously_!" he swept his arm out dramatically and managed to knock an inkwell off Professor McGonagall's desk.

"True," began Remus.

"I DENY THAT!" yelled James indignantly, stepping heavily on Remus' foot.

"Hush James," said Remus. "Sirius, the key word is corridor. It was the charms corridor and we were late to class."

"Well," said Sirius deflating. "You were still running suspiciously."

"Ooh! Ooh! Pick me Professor, I can prove it was Sirius!" called out Peter, waving his hand in the air as if they were in class.

"How?" asked James.

"Well," said Peter "If Sirius saw James and Remus running to charms he must not have been in class, but not running to charms. He must have been doing something else!" Peter finished triumphantly.

"I was doing something far more interesting then classes Peter. I had a date with a certain some one in a certain broom closet," Sirius grinned, adopting a glazed look.

"EW!" said Peter, wrinkling his nose.

"Ah hah!" cried James, "Now I can convince you Peter did it! If I was running with Remus, and Sirius was with his date and Peter was not there he must have been setting up the prank!" James cast a triumphant grin around to the others to see if they followed his infallible, though to the other it was unfathomable, logic.

"I really hate to break it to you all," said Remus in a pleasant tone that suggested he would rather enjoy breaking it to them "The prank could have been set up any time during the day. To be cleared or to covict someone you would need to account for every second of their time."

Crossing his arms and smiling smugly, Remus smiled at the effect his words had had on the boys. They had turned and were regarding Professor McGonagall in uncomprehending amazement.

"_How_ do you do it Professor?" James asked in a voice full of wonder and astonishment, widening his eyes at the professor.

"Figuring out the culprits to all of the pranks, why, that's simply brilliant!" Sirius said earnestly.

"We'll leave it to you to figure it out then." Remus smiled, ushering the boys out and leaving the astounded professor behind.

* * *

><p>The boys walked in silence for two corridors, then stopped, and as if on cue, burst into strains of uncontrollable laughter.<p>

"Did you see her face?" choked out James.

"So confused." Remus laughed.

"Amazing," said Sirius wiping away tears.

"And no detention!" Peter whispered in wonder.

The boys exchanged high fives as they headed back to their dormitory.

Meanwhile, back in her office, a poor transfiguration professor groans, and tries to wrap her head around the twisted logic of the marauders.


End file.
